I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize