Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you would pick up someone in the library
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
