omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were trust falling into bushes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
