i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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