you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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