That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
