i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
