my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
