Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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