it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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