I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
