In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Enjoy the penises
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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