I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
