Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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