We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
