His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize