Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize