my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize