What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
