You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
