I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
