READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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