Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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