bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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