Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize