as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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