I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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