my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize