My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
