What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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