I can text with my tongue
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
whose ass print is on the piano?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
