honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
