I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
