I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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