Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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