i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
