That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
