You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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