To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
