so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize