If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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