shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
