the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
