I can text with my tongue
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
