So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
