pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
