Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
