Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize