I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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