What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
