Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
