Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
