JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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