my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
