i just wanna soil my oats bro
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
