she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
