That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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