he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
