I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
