The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
