It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
