Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
