i just had sex bonerless
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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