I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
