I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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