dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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