My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Semen is not good for contacts.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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