I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
