I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
